Baby Zimmer

Baby Zimmer,
We prayed for you. Oh, how we prayed for you! And waited for the Lord's perfect timing. For 3 years we hoped for you. And on the May anniversary of our 3rd year of hoping and my 30th birthday, you were given to us! What joy!

I sent your daddy this picture and a text that said "Positive!" I heard him say, "What?!?" from his office and then he ran into the bathroom to rejoice with me. (June 3rd, 2013)

We couldn't believe you were real! We called the doctor and started getting bloodwork every few days. My Hcg levels were on the rise...it was confirmed- You WERE real!

This was our first picture of you! You were the cutest little "dot" we'd ever seen.  Your daddy began calling you 'peanut' after this shot was taken. (June 6, 2013) #5weeks

During your short time in my tummy, you went MANY places with me:

A Ranger's game...(though we didn't know you were there yet!)  #4weeks 

New Orleans, Louisiana...(we ate some YUMMY food here) #5weeks

Destin, Florida...(we stayed cool and rested a lot) #6weeks

Monroe, Louisiana...(your daddy is a Duck Dynasty fan) 

You traveled to 5 states with us, little love! 

When we FINALLY returned home, your mommy started feeling VERY sick. Jasper was extremely concerned and stayed close to us. I began hating ALL foods except for pickles, Salsa Sun Chips, grilled cheese, quesadillas, and pretzels dipped in mustard. Your daddy made sure we had all these foods on hand! 

#7weeks

                           

Guess what? Aaron Zimmer got to experience his first Father's Day as a daddy!! Because of YOU! He was beyond excited. He loved you so much and talked to you all the time. Isn't he handsome? 

Your second photo shoot...

Dr. Nackley was hoping to hear your heartbeat today...but we did not hear it. You were bigger than last time, though, so we were thrilled!  (June 17, 2013)

1 week later...

"Heart for a Heartbeat!" #8weeks

Heartbeat, GLORIOUS heartbeat! We were SO thankful to experience the JOY of hearing you ALIVE and growing. Dr. Nackley was concerned that your heart was beating a little bit slow. (98 bpm) Thank you for trying SO hard! We decided it was time to share your life with our friends and family so they could join us in praying for your little heart to grow fast and strong. (June 24, 2013)

OH, precious one, how you were celebrated, loved and prayed for. OH, how God's people delighted in the gift of YOU...the gift of your life. Your daddy said you were prayed for more during your short life than some people are prayed for over the course of an entire lifetime. We were so thankful for those who had walked in the dark places with us to rejoice in the glorious LIGHT of your life. You drew hearts to worship your Creator. And we were honored to speak of you. We thank our Jesus for the opportunity to speak of His great mercy and love toward 2 undeserving sinners...in the form of YOU. 

OH, how He loves us...

OH, how we adored you...

Your daddy and I delighted in you over the next week! You began to seem more 'real' to us since we'd shared the "big news" of YOU with others. I'm so glad we did. Others were allowed to delight in you, too!

Sweet Taber brought you a friend. 

Sweet Diana gave us a journal. 

Your sweet daddy brought you flowers. 

Not to mention the MANY calls, emails, and texts...all celebrating YOU!

 

I was so thankful for this week. I'm thankful the Lord allowed us this time to rejoice over you and delight in the idea of being parents. Even though we 'heard' what the doctor said...we just didn't dwell on it much. We figured your heart would start beating fast whenever you wanted it to! No rush. :)

We drove all the way to Plano to buy you a rocker and shopped around Pottery Barn Kids. We even argued over which bedroom we would empty out so you could live with us! It was a good week. We were hopeful.

Worth the drive...obviously. :)

1 week later...

Today we did not hear your heartbeat thumping during our time with Dr. Nackley. Looking back, we now see her concerns with your development from fairly early on...but she let us have great hope each week anyway. And we are so thankful for that.

After hearing that Jesus had taken you to be with Him, your daddy had to hurry to a work meeting with all of his new bosses. He had to leave me with the nurses to sign a million papers and schedule a d&c for the next day. The word 'abortion' was on the top of every paper. It hurt my heart. I decided to cancel all future procedures and go home to grieve. I was not ready to say good-bye to you yet.

I cried all the way home. I missed you. At the house, I began cleaning and sobbing at the same time. I think I even vacuumed. And broke a glass jar on the tile floor. I can't remember if I did it on purpose or not. I was worried about your daddy who had to hold in his grief for the rest of the afternoon. I wanted to be with him.

Our church family loved us as we cried for you. We received cards, calls, texts, meals, gift cards, flowers, frames, hugs, scripture, and lots of prayers. We've never felt so loved by Jesus through His church. YOU allowed us to experience this sweet grace. Thank you.

This book helped us learn to grieve together; at different speeds, on different days, in different ways... It took us to places that were painful and hard as we understood the reality that we would never 'know' you. And Jesus met us in those dark places. And grieved alongside us. 

                                 

A note from your dad...

Your daddy bought me a sweet piece of jewelry for my Pandora bracelet in your honor. I am reminded of you SO often. I love to think of you. And long for the day that we will be together. Thank you for helping my heart long for heaven.

And we shall tell it, dear one...

You will always be SO loved.

Thank you for making us parents for the very FIRST time.

-your mommy & daddy

{Baby Zimmer's Photo Album}